Mixed Feelings
by underlordoftheoverworld
Summary: After a falling out with Dean, Cas disappeared. While he's gone, Dean experiences some serious mixed feelings- and they get even worse when a damaged Castiel comes back. [COMPLETE]
1. Chapter 1

_There's something wrong with Dean,_ Sam thought to himself. The two brothers were sitting at a diner waiting for their orders, and Sam had time to study Dean while he was too preoccupied to notice. Dean was trying to look for a case in the local newspaper.

_It has to have something to do with Cas._ Sam thought back to when Castiel first disappeared three weeks ago. There was no warning, no reason for Cas to just leave- no reason Sam knew about, anyways. That was when Dean started being moody and dickish- even more than usual. _Obviously he's bothered by Cas' disappearance… or maybe because of the reason he left._

"Hey, Sam, look at this." Dean handed him the paper, and he skimmed over the article. "2 reported homicides in the last week- both 20 year old blonde girls."

"So you think this could be one of ours?" Sam asked. They were silent when the waitress brought over their food. She was young and attractive with curves in all the right places- definitely Dean's type, but he didn't even notice her. _Damn, what the hell is going on with him?_

"Maybe. There's also a new missing persons report."

"Let me guess: 20 year old blonde woman?" Sam asked. Dean nodded. "It's worth looking into."

Sam wanted to ask Dean what was eating him, but he knew his brother would get pissy or ignore the subject altogether. He decided to wait until later to bring it up.

* * *

The Impala was too quiet on the way to the motel. Dean seemed to be deep in thought; he didn't even notice the lack of music. Sam knew he needed to have the talk when they got inside.

Dean gruffed as he turned on the TV and flopped down in the chair. He threw his legs over the coffee table and stared at the TV as he flipped grumpily through the channels.

"Hey, Sammy, get me a beer." Sam rolled his eyes.

"I'll make you a deal-" he started. Dean groaned. "I'll get you a beer if you tell me what's eating you lately." Dean pursed his lips and didn't say anything for a few moments. He was obviously uncomfortable.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Dean said bitterly.

"Don't give me that crap. You've been in a pissy mood for a month now. Hell, since Cas left-" Before he could finish, Dean shot up out of the chair and threw on his jacket.

"Dean, come on- where are you going?"

"Out," he snapped and slammed the door behind him.

* * *

_What the hell does he know? Sam doesn't know shit about what I think. _Dean's thoughts were shooting all over the place. He was furious and not paying attention to the speed limit. _I don't care how I'm acting. He doesn't need to know every detail of my life. Why the hell would he bring up Cas like that? He has nothing to do with my moods,_ he lied to himself. Maybe if he keeps telling himself that, he'll eventually believe it.

He didn't know where he was going, but he didn't care. He just had to get away from Sam. Maybe he'll go to the bar and get hammered. Maybe pick up a hot but naive girl and go home with her. No thinking, no feelings, no promises, just mindless sex with someone he didn't have to bother trying to remember the name of.

When he got to the bar, he immediately ordered a shot of whiskey. The warmth covered him and he already felt a little better. He ordered another. And another. Dean's head was light and warm. He didn't have to think here. He ordered a beer and stared at the wall. How could he be so full of thoughts and so empty at the same time?

_I need a woman._ He turned around to stare at the prospects. It was like looking at a menu where everything looked delicious, but he was only in the mood for something specific.

Then his eyes landed on a slim girl with dark hair and fair skin. He immediately knew who he was taking home tonight. It was weird since he usually went after loose women with blonde hair and a 3 drink minimum, but something was different.

As he approached her from behind, he was confident and already ready to get out of there with her. He tapped the girl on the shoulder and put on his best "How you doin'?" grin. She turned around and revealed eyes that were bright blue. His mouth immediately went dry and he was frozen in place, the grin slipped off of his face.

"Cas?" He whispered. She looked confused and asked him to repeat what he said. Dean knew it wasn't him, but he couldn't talk, couldn't move; he was trapped in those eyes and his memories.

His mind flashed to every time he and Cas made eye contact, or when he could feel the electricity flow through him just knowing Cas was staring at him. He remembered back to three weeks ago, when the angel left. He could feel the hurt in those big, pale blue eyes- the hurt he caused.

"I'm… sorry. I- I thought you were… someone else," Dean stumbled out. He turned sharply and walked straight out the door and into the Impala. All he could do was stare at the steering wheel. His mind was racing at what seemed like 50,000 miles an hour.

_"Well go ahead and leave! I don't care what the hell you do!" _Dean could hear his own words all over again. That was the last thing he barked at the angel before he flew away.

_He'd still be here if you weren't such a goddamn idiot, Dean._ He cursed himself. _It was his choice to leave, you didn't make him._ The two sides of his brain were arguing back and forth and he couldn't control his thoughts. He couldn't control his emotions. All he could do was punch the steering wheel.

The clock said 3:56 am. _Maybe Sam won't be awake._ Dean started the car and drove back to the motel. Sure enough, Sam was asleep and Dean snuck in quietly. He didn't even want to undress, so he slipped into bed fully dressed and let his thoughts run until they got tired and he could fall asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Cas…" He whispered. His voice was weak and he couldn't focus. "Cas, don't."_

_"What, Dean?" Castiel's voice was deep and sweet. Dean didn't know what he was trying to say, but he knew he had to say something. _

_"Don't look at me like that. You can't. We…" Castiel was slowly moving closer. Dean closed his eyes tightly. Maybe if he couldn't see those big blue eyes, they couldn't affect him. He could feel how close Castiel was, and he couldn't move. Suddenly, he could feel a hand on his face. He leant into the touch._

_"Dean…" Castiel's voice was barely loud enough to hear. Dean knew he couldn't do this. Instinctively, he pushed the angel with as much force as he could._

_"Damnit, Cas, I said no," he growled. Castiel's head tilted in confusion. He could see the sudden pain in his eyes._

_"I don't understand." He tried to step closer, but Dean turned away._

_"You can't just do this to me. This is just… wrong."_

_"Dean, I-" Dean knew he had to say something to make him leave. If he didn't, he might not be able to control the situation._

_"Just stop! I don't want to hear what you have to say. Just-"_

_"You are so… frustrating! Maybe I should just go." He mumbled._

_"Well go ahead and leave! I don't care what the hell you do!" He yelled. It was a few moments, but he heard the sound of wings. When he turned back around, he was alone._

Dean woke up with a jolt. Sam was already up and doing research. Dean groaned and rolled his eyes.

"So what happened to you last night?" Sam asked.

"Nothing." He grunted and went into the bathroom to get ready.

"Nothing? Really?" He waited for a response. When one didn't come, he just rolled his eyes. "Okay, whatever, Dean. Anyways, I think there might be a new lead on the story."

"Yeah, like what?"

"Well, turns out both of the girls went to a bar in town called 'Lucky's' right before they went missing." Dean thought back to last night and the bar he went to.

"You think whatever's snatching the girls would be hanging out there?" Sam nodded. "I guess we can check it out tonight."

After that, Dean went back to being quiet. Sam looked at his brother. He wanted to know what was going on so badly, but he knew if he asked, Dean would just shut him out again. _Give him time to figure things out for himself first. He'll talk when he's ready. He always does._

* * *

They were parked outside of the bar for an hour before they decided to go in and investigate from the inside. It wasn't terribly busy, but it was busy enough to where they had a chance of finding their monster. They got inside, ordered two beers, and sat at the bar.

"So, we just wait and see if any blondes leave with anyone who looks suspicious?" Dean asked.

"I guess so."

It seemed like they were waiting and watching forever before something happened. Dean had drifted off into his own thoughts a while ago, and wasn't paying attention. He only emerged from his subconscious when Sam nudged him and nodded toward the door. He followed to where he was looking and saw a young blonde leaving with a tall, pale man. With a quick exchange of looks, the brothers left behind them.

Dean was walking ahead of Sam and was watching closely as the pair walked down the dark sidewalk. When they suddenly made a right into an alley, he quickened his pace. He turned down the alley, but there wasn't anyone there.

He turned to Sam, "What the hell? Where'd they go?"

"Dean-!" Sam yelled, but before he could do anything, he was knocked out cold.

* * *

When Dean finally came to, it took him a few seconds to realize their predicament. They were in some abandoned house with their arms tied to a rope hanging from the ceiling. He looked around to scope out the rest of the room. Sam was a few feet to his right, also tied up; there were two more girls, one being the girl they followed tonight, on the other side of the room in the same situation. Blood was caked to the sides of their necks, and they were passed out. _Either unconscious if they're not already dead, anyways._ There wasn't, however, any sight of the man they were following, which he already decided was a vampire.

"Sammy!" Dean hissed. Sam's eyes fluttered open, and when he registered that he was tied up, he tried to wriggle his way out. "It's no use. Whoever tied us up did a pretty good job."

"Then how the hell are we supposed to get out of here?"

"Well, we could always try to ask nicely. And maybe the vamp will sympathize with us and let us go. Hell, maybe he'll even let us kill him." He voiced sarcastically. Sam rolled his eyes.

"We could try to call Castiel." Dean stiffened.

"I'm _not_ calling Cas to come and save our asses from a damn vampire," he spat.

"Then how are we going to get out? We can't even untie ourselves. We're sitting ducks right now."

Dean hesitated before answering, "I don't know. I'll think of something."

"Put your damn pride aside for once. I know something is going on with you two, and I honestly don't give a rat's ass anymore. I'm not going to just let you let us die- especially to something as measly as a vampire! And if you won't pray to him, I will," He yelled. He lowered his voice and closed his eyes. "Castiel, I hope you can hear me. Dean and I are in trouble and we need your help. Please." Dean snorted grumpily.

Within moments, the angel appeared in front of them. His face was pensive and he looked at Sam, avoiding Dean's eyes. "What are you in trouble with?" The angel asked as he went to free Sam's arms from the rope.

"A vampire, just one that we're aware of." He mumbled a thanks.

"Where is it now?" Cas went to untie Dean's hands, still avoiding his eyes. Dean nodded to imply his gratitude.

"No idea. We just woke up," Dean said as he went to check the girls' pulses. Only one was still alive. He tried to shake her awake. "Hey- hey, wake up. We're going to get you out of here." She nodded weakly.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" A voice boomed from the other side of the room. Within seconds, Castiel was fighting him off. They both got in some punches, and Dean hurriedly cut the girl's rope and picked her up. Sam joined the fight with his knife and beheaded the vampire.

"I need to get this girl to a hospital before she loses anymore blood," Dean said hastily. The angel nodded and put a hand on both of them. Within seconds, he was back to get Sam.

When they were all back together outside of the hospital, an awkward silence fell. Dean and Cas were standing farther apart than usual, still not making eye contact, and were stiff. Sam was caught in the middle.

"I think I should be-" Cas started. Dean looked at him.

"Actually, uh, you can stay with us, if you want- unless you're busy doing, like, angel stuff, or something. There might still be more vampires that we haven't seen, and you know, we might need your help," Sam stumbled out quickly. He needed to get Dean and Cas together somehow, and this was his only hope. He could feel the glare coming from Dean, and if looks could kill, he'd be dead in a second.

Castiel looked at Dean to register his opinion. When Dean met his eyes, he said "Yeah, Cas. You can come if you want." He added a small smile to his offer.

"Well, I'm not currently involved in any other affairs, so I suppose helping on this case could be beneficial." Sam smiled and they went back to the motel.

_I've got them in the same room together. Now I just need to get them to talk._ Sam thought to himself.


	3. Chapter 3

On the way to the motel, Dean had time to really register what happened. Castiel didn't seem like his usual self. Sure, he could fly to them, but he looked weaker afterward, and he actually had to fight the vampire. Dean looked in the back to see Cas. He looked tired- actually tired.

"So what was that back there?" He directed the question to Cas, who looked up into the mirror to watch Dean.

"To which part are you referring? I untied you and helped kill a vampire," he replied flatly.

"Don't evade. You know I'm asking what's wrong." Sam looked up.

"Yeah, I noticed you don't seem like your normal self tonight. What's up?" Sam gave him his signature I'm-so-sensitive-please-confide-in-me look.

"I, uh… I think I may be falling," he said quietly.

"Falling? What does that mean?" Dean barked.

"Becoming _human_," he paused, "but it's not all at once. I'm gradually losing my abilities." Dean wanted to ask more questions, but the look in Castiel's eyes convinced him to do otherwise. He looked so vulnerable, so human. Dean looked at Sam, who was visibly worried and concerned.

"Is there anything we can do to stop this?"

"I'm afraid that's almost impossible." Castiel looked out the window to hide the feelings he didn't know how to mask. Sam knew this was the end of the conversation for now, and left it alone. The brothers exchanged a knowing look. _He said "almost impossible." We're going to try all we can to help. _Sam nodded, knowing they shared the same thought.

* * *

"Well, since you're becoming one of us, you have to start doing human things," Sam said. Cas tilted his head in confusion. "You can't stay clean forever, anymore." Castiel still looked confused. "Shower, Cas."

"Oh…" He looked toward the bathroom with uncertainty. _Has he really never used any part of the bathroom before?_ Dean felt sorry for him. He still felt awkward being around him, but he knew he should help.

"I can help you use the shower, if you want…" Dean offered quietly. Sam let out a laugh, and Dean glared at him. "Do you just want to lock him in there and tell him to figure it out on his own?" He yelled at his brother.

"Oh, no, I just… It was a funny picture. I couldn't help it," Sam said, trying to be sincere. "That's a sweet offer." Dean muttered something under his breath, and looked to Cas for his opinion on the matter.

"I would… appreciate that- thank you," he mumbled awkwardly. He looked at the ground and shifted his stance. Dean nodded and walked into the bathroom; Cas followed a few feet behind.

Out of habit, Dean shut the door behind them. He walked over to the shower and pointed at the nozzles. "This one is for the hot water, and this one is for cold. I highly recommend hotter showers; they're pretty relaxing, and you could use some relaxing. Anyways, you turn them this way to turn it on, and this way to turn it off. Think you got-" When he turned around, Cas was stripped down to just his underwear and was staring at Dean. His mouth went dry and he couldn't help but stare. The man in front of him was slight but powerful, with hints of muscles under his perfect and fair skin. Those intense, blue eyes were sending lightning bolts through his body. In a matter of seconds, his mouth was agape and his jeans were tighter. Dean imagined taking Cas into his arms and kissing him, starting with his perfect, soft mouth and then covering every inch of his body. He wanted to pull him closer by the hips and run his hands through his hair and over every curve, every muscle- every bit of Dean ached to touch Cas. He wanted to-

"Dean," Castiel's voice knocked him back to reality. He cleared his throat and shifted his eyes.

"Uh, yeah, so that's the shower and-" he paused to gather his thoughts. "Just… shampoo is there and soap. Yeah." And he hurriedly walked out of the bathroom.

"So," Sam teased with a huge grin on his face. Dean raised a hand to him.

"Don't. Just don't." He went and grabbed a beer.

Sam laughed again. "Whatever you say. Should I…" he nodded to the obvious bulge in Dean's pants, "give you some time alone?" Dean glared at him and lowered his voice.

"Sam, I swear to God. I will knock the shit out of you if you say one more word." Sam raised his hands, mocking a surrender. Dean sat in the chair and turned on the TV.

_This is so wrong. So, so wrong. He's a dude. I'm a dude. This isn't right. I'm not gay. Dean Winchester cannot be gay. Maybe I'm just really horny since I haven't gotten any in a while, and I'm projecting that onto Cas._

_It's not just a physical thing. You know the kind of feelings you have for him. You've been dealing with them for a long time now. It's Cas, not some random guy you just met._

_Stop, stop, stop. I love women. Always have and always will. Soft bodies and curves, long hair that smelled like perfume. I'm not into men. They're hairy and hard and…_

_Cas isn't every guy. No woman can even stand up to him. He's genuine, sweet, and has given you everything he could. He's given so much up for the Winchesters- for you. And he is gorgeous- you can't deny that. That body… rippled with muscles and completely perfect. His soft, supple lips- so kissable. His eyes that are so magnetic, you could barely resist them. _

Dean's pants were uncomfortably tight, and he couldn't control his thoughts anymore. He jumped when he heard the door swing open, and couldn't help but look. A giant cloud of fog billowed out into the main part of the room, and Cas was standing there, holding a towel around his waist. His skin glistened with water that hadn't dried, and his hair was shiny and tousled. He way the light reflected off of him enhanced the view of his muscles, and Dean could hear a sound start to come out of him. He tried to lick his lips when he finally turned away, but his mouth had gone dry again. Thank God Sam didn't seem to notice his brother's frustration.

"Cas, why are you naked?" He asked with a chuckle. Castiel looked around for a second before answering.

"I don't have clean clothes. Should I put on the clothes I was wearing?" He was turning around to go back into the bathroom, but Sam stood up and went over to their bags.

"No, you need clean clothes. Here, put these on." He handed Castiel a t shirt and a pair of boxers. Castiel looked first at the pile and then at Sam. "We're about to go to sleep, you don't need jeans." Cas nodded and went back into the bathroom.

"I hope you don't mind, but I let him wear some of your clothes," Sam said, "He's closer to your size than mine, obviously." Dean snorted.

"Whatever. Where's he going to sleep anyways? Two beds, three guys…"

Sam winked at his brother, "You two could just share a bed, you know." Dean became visibly uncomfortable and shot another contemptuous look at Sam.

"I'll sleep in this chair, I don't care." _There's no way in hell I'm sleeping in the same bed with another man. _Sam rolled his eyes.

Castiel came out of the bathroom and asked where he was sleeping tonight. When Dean said Cas could have the bed and he would sleep in the chair, Dean could've sworn that for a second there was a little bit of disappointment in his eyes.

When it was late and the other two men had already fallen asleep, Dean turned off the TV and let himself drift off. That night, he dreamt of the night he and Cas had the argument.

* * *

_It was really late. Sam had left to go do something, Dean wasn't paying attention when he said where he was going. He was alone, watching Dr. Sexy, MD. When Castiel showed up, he immediately changed the channel._

_"I already saw what you were watching, Dean." The angel said. Dean chuckled._

_"Well, in that case…" He turned it back to his show. He looked over at Castiel, who was obviously uncomfortable. Or anxious. Could angels get anxious? "Cas, come sit down, you're making me nervous. What's up?" _

_Cas sat on the edge of the bed and fidgeted with the loose strings on his trenchcoat. "I think I have something to say." Dean looked at him closely and told him to go ahead. Castiel looked up into Dean's eyes. That pure magnetism from his eyes made Dean want to move away- or get closer, he couldn't decide. "Dean, you know I feel we share a profound bond," Dean smiled, "but I also feel more."_

_He wasn't entirely sure where the angel was heading, but he had a general idea. He gulped nervously. "More…?" The look in the angel's eyes was longing, and Dean could hardly fight their pull._

_Castiel nodded. "I think that I… We…" He tried unsuccessfully to use his hands to explain words he wasn't sure Dean would understand. He was quiet for a second, and Dean stood up and walked over to the other side of the room. "Dean, please listen."_

_"I'm listening. I just… I think I know what you're trying to say." Castiel moved closer, his eyes were glowing with hope and something else. Something that shone even brighter. Dean knew what it was, but he couldn't say it._

_"I want to say it," Cas said softly. He was so close, Dean could move just a foot closer and take Cas into his arms and kiss him. He almost did. _

_"Don't… You don't need to. It's…" He didn't know where he planned on ending that sentence, so he just stopped talking. Castiel looked into Dean's eyes, begging for him to say something to confirm what was still unspoken. Cas moved closer and Dean's eyes were shutting. He could feel the air in his chest leaving him, and it was hard to breath. He could feel the angel's breath on his cheeks, he could almost feel how close those lips were. He opened his eyes and tried to take control of the situation before things got out of hand and he ended up doing something he would regret._

_"Cas…" He whispered. His voice was weak and he couldn't focus. "Cas, don't."_

_"What, Dean?" Castiel's voice was deep and sweet. Dean didn't know what he was trying to say, but he knew he had to say something. _

_"Don't look at me like that. You can't. We…" Castiel was slowly moving closer. Dean closed his eyes tightly. Maybe if he couldn't see those big blue eyes, they couldn't affect him. He could feel how close Castiel was, and he couldn't move. Suddenly, he could feel a hand on his face. He leant into the touch._

_"Dean…" Castiel's voice was barely loud enough to hear. Dean knew he couldn't do this. Instinctively, he pushed the angel with as much force as he could._

_"Damnit, Cas, I said no," he growled. Castiel's head tilted in confusion. He could see the sudden pain in his eyes._

_"I don't understand." He tried to step closer, but Dean turned away._

_"You can't just do this to me. This is just… wrong."_

_"Dean, I-" Dean knew he had to say something to make him leave. If he didn't, he might not be able to control the situation._

_"Just stop! I don't want to hear what you have to say. Just-"_

_"You are so… frustrating! Maybe I should just go." He mumbled._

_"Well go ahead and leave! I don't care what the hell you do!" He yelled. It was a few moments, but he heard the sound of wings. When he turned back around, he was alone._


	4. Chapter 4

"Ah _fuck_ _me_, Cas." Dean moaned, barely containing himself. He watched the black haired man's mouth bob expertly over his throbbing dick, the sight itself practically sent him flying off the rails. Castiel gave a slight smile, his blue eyes full of mischief. He started humming and ran his tongue up the length of his shaft. Dean arched his back and bucked his hips, letting out a soft whimper. Cas started to go deeper and harder- _and using his tongue that way should be illegal_- and Dean's breaths were getting shorter and shorter. "Oh _shit_- fuck fuck fuck," he whispered uncontrollably. "I'm gonna-!"

Dean practically jumped when he woke up. After he caught his breath and looked around, he realized it was a dream. _Oh shit, it was a dream. I had a sex dream about Cas. Fuck._ Dean groaned and rubbed his face. His entire body ached from sleeping upright in the hard chair all night. He stood up slowly and let his joints crack as he tried to stretch. He looked down and groaned again. _Of fucking course I would get hard. At least nobody's awake._

He went into the bathroom and got directly in the shower. He made the water hot to relax his strained muscles and studied his current "_dilemma._" _I need to take care of this, but I can't think about Cas. I can't. Okay, Winchester. You've got this._ He took a deep breath to focus his mind as he grabbed his dick and started stroking. _Boobs. Long, blonde hair. Tan. Perfume. Hot girl with big lips. Big, soft lips. Oh those big, soft lips around his cock would be so nice._ He started getting more into it and quickened his strokes. _Big lips and blue eyes. Cas last night after he took a shower. Cas in his dream this morning. Oh god, just imagine Cas thrusting until he's about to come._ He could practically hear Castiel's deep, ragged moans. _Fuck me, Cas. _And Dean suddenly came hard all over the shower wall.

"God_damnit,_" he cursed. He mentally punched himself. _I'm so screwed._

* * *

"So about this whole 'falling' thing," Sam started. The three men were sitting in a booth at a diner, Sam and Cas on one side and Dean by himself. They were trying to do extra online research while they waited for their food. "Do you have any idea why this is happening?"

Castiel hesitated for a moment and shifted his gaze downward. "No. I was just aware of my loss of abilities and could conclude what happened." Dean studied his face.

"Are you lying?" He asked. Sam shot him a quick bitchface and Dean rolled his eyes. "I have to ask. You never know." They both turned to Cas. He shook his head.

"Alright, well, is there anything we can do?"

"No," he replied flatly. Sam took the laptop from Dean and started typing.

"Well then I guess I'll have to do some of my own research," he said. Cas nodded absently and looked back at the table. They sat in silence until the waitress brought over their orders.

"So, are you going to talk about it, or what?" Sam questioned. Cas looked confused and Dean could feel his chest tighten.

"Talk about what?" Castiel asked. Dean knew what was coming, but really hoped it was something else.

"About what's going on with you two." Cas immediately glanced at Dean, who shifted awkwardly in his seat. Neither of them said anything. "Oh, come _on_. You two have barely said anything to each other, and look-!" He pointed to each of them. "You're not even sitting on the same side of the booth. You _always_ sit on the same side of the booth. So, _tell me what's going on_." He demanded.

Dean was visibly angry and uncomfortable. He didn't look up from his plate. "Shut up, Sam." The younger brother rolled his eyes and looked at Cas, whose face was red.

"Well? Are you at least going to clue me in?" Dean's eyes flashed to Castiel and he gulped. _Please don't say anything. Please don't say anything._

"I… I don't know what you're talking about. Nothing is going on." He mumbled quietly. Dean released a breath he didn't realize he was holding.

"Then where were you for three weeks? Why did you leave? Why didn't you say anything?" Sam interrogated, raising his voice. Castiel's face was substantially redder and he looked on the verge of either bursting a vein or crying. He wouldn't look up from his food.

"Damnit, Sam! Can't you see he doesn't want to talk about it? Maybe the reason you're not getting answers is because it's done of your damn business. Ever consider that?" Dean snapped. Sam clenched his jaw and stood up sharply and gathered his things.

"Whatever, I'm going to the library. You two can stay here and wallow in your… whatever it is you won't talk about." And he stormed out of the diner. Dean sighed grumpily and went back to eating. Castiel looked a little more panicked and stared at the door.

"If you miss him that much, you can go," Dean muttered sarcastically. Cas stared at him.

"No, he wants to be alone. I think I made him angry," he murmured. Dean instantly felt guilty for his ill-intended remark.

"Cas, don't. It's not your fault. He's just nosey and gets upset when he doesn't get his way. Don't beat yourself up about it," he said softly. A small smile tugged on the side of Castiel's lips. Seeing that faint smile, all he wanted to do was grab him and kiss him until he wasn't upset anymore. _Get your shit together, Dean! That was the most feminine thing you've ever thought._ He glanced back up at Castiel, who was pushing around the fries on his plate. _This is going to be a long day._

* * *

_Emotionally constipated idiot. And now it's gotten to Cas, too. I just wish they would talk about something for once, and get over their damn pride. I'm sick of being in the middle of this._ Sam was still worked up from their lunchtime dispute. _Whatever, at least I can do some research in peace._

Sam gathered an assortment of books on angel lore and pulled up a few websites he found on a search engine. *There was only a little bit of information on being cast down- cast into hell, like Lucifer, having your grace snatched away as punishment, and an even smaller section on choice falling. _Anna had done that my ripping out her grace and being reborn as an infant, but Cas is still in Jimmy Novak's form and wasn't reborn with no memory._ Sam called Bobby, because if anyone had a clue what was going on, it would be him.

"Hey, Sam, how you doin?" He greeted.

"I'm fine, but we kind of have a situation on our hands."

Bobby sighed. "What did you two idgits do now?" Sam chuckled.

"Oh no, nothing like that. But Cas is back. He told us he was falling, and he said he doesn't know why or how to stop it." He heard ruffling noises from the other end of the line. Bobby mumbled to himself as he flipped through a book.

"Okay, well it says here that they can become human by removing their grace and being reborn, but he didn't do that…" he flipped over a few more pages. "Did he mention anything about an ultimatum?"

Sam paused. "No. What do you mean?"

"Well this says that if an angel is apart of the Apocalypse on Earth, they are brought back to Heaven after a certain amount of time and given an ultimatum: either return to Heaven and not be allowed to return for a millennia, or they can choose to stay human in their current form without being able to return to Heaven as an angel. And staying human involves all of the 'perks' like aging and mortality. This type of falling takes about a month to fully transition." Sam thought for a while. It seemed like that was the only reasonable explanation.*

"But why would Cas choose to be human?" He thought aloud.

"Beats the hell outta me."

"Okay, I'll talk to him. Thanks again, Bobby." He and the older hunter said good-bye and Sam left the library. He had been there for almost three hours. _I wonder if Dean and Cas have talked it over yet._ He rolled his eyes at the thought. _Doubt it._

* * *

Dean didn't know what to do since he was alone with the man that was making him so flustered. So, he tried to keep his mind busy by going back and forth between watching TV and going outside on the deck. Castiel mumbled something about going on a walk after they had been sitting in silence for thirty minutes. _That was over two hours ago. Damn, I'd better go find him. Where the hell is Sam?_ He grabbed his keys and drove off in the Impala to find them. When thoughts of Cas started making their way to his brain, he turned the volume on the radio up as high as he could stand it. _Much better._

* * *

Sam was making his way back to the motel when he received a call from Dean saying Castiel had gone on a walk a few hours ago and wasn't answering calls on the cell phone they bought for him earlier. _He would lose him, wouldn't he? Cas probably just doesn't want to talk to Dean; maybe he'll answer my call._ So he dialed Cas' number and it rang through twice before it went through. Castiel didn't say anything.

"Cas? Are you there?"

"Hello, Sam," he greeted gruffly.

"Cas, where are you? Dean said you weren't picking up the phone and he couldn't find you."

"I'm… at the park." Sam was about to tell him Dean could come pick him up, but he knew Castiel had left to get away from him.

"Okay, how about I come get you and we can walk back together? I'll tell Dean to go back to the room and not worry." Castiel seemed more relieved when he accepted his offer and hung up.

The town they were staying in was small, so the park was only a few blocks away. When Sam arrived, he spotted Cas sitting on a bench in front of a pond. He came up behind him and put a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Hey. So this is where you went to get away from Grumpy?" Sam gave him a smile and sat beside him. Castiel nodded. "So, I talked to Bobby about what might have happened," he hesitated before continuing. "Cas… did you receive the Ultimatum while you were gone?"

Castiel sat in silence before he decided to answer. This topic was obviously difficult for him to talk about. "I received the Ultimatum about three weeks ago, and, as you already know, I chose to become human and stay on Earth."

"Is that when you left? And you didn't come back because you wanted to transition in peace and start a new life?"

"No," Castiel's lips formed a faint smile. Sam gave him a confused look. "But if you must know, I will tell you the whole story."

* * *

When they eventually made it back to the motel room, another hour had passed by. Sam felt closer to Castiel after he had confided in him. Before they went inside, Cas stopped and turned to him.

"Sam, please don't tell Dean," he begged. "It's just… I don't think he's ready to know what happened."

"Of course." He gave Castiel's shoulder an assuring squeeze and they went inside.

"Where the hell were you two?! I thought you were supposed to be back an hour ago?" Dean barked. _Yeah, definitely not ready yet._

* * *

***Author's Note: Everything within the asterisks is all made up. I don't actually know anything about angel lore, and I don't claim to. Please, bear with me.  
I hope you all are enjoying reading this as much as I am writing it! I love you all.**


	5. Chapter 5

_That dumbass sonofabitch. Just up and leaving like that- again. He can't keep doing this. He can't keep leaving me. One of these days, I'm not going to let him come back._

_Liar. You'll always let him come back. You __**need**__ him. You need him because you lo-_

_Nope, nope, nope. What the hell is wrong with me?_ Dean was pacing the room at a speed he wasn't aware of. _Why is Cas leaving bothering me so much?_

_Because you need him. You are in l- _His thought was, fortunately, interrupted by the door opening. His immediate instinct was to yell at the men who entered.

"Where the hell were you two?! I thought you were supposed to be back an hour ago?" Instead of getting defensive like he usually does, Sam just smirked. "What the hell are you smiling for? I'm angry!"

Sam grinned een wider and rolled his eyes. "I know you are, Dean." The older brother stared at him in bewilderment.

"Well? Argue with me!" Dean demanded. Sam laughed again and squeezed Dean's shoulder.

"I'm not arguing with you. You're right; we should have been back a while ago." Dean was completely frozen with angry confusion. Sam patted the spot on his shoulder where his hand was. "But we're here now. You shouldn't worry so much." Dean watched him as he went into the bathroom.

"I'm _right_?" He repeated to himself. He turned his confused stare onto Castiel. "What the hell just happened?" Cas smiled at him, and Dean's heart fluttered. _Stop it. Stop smiling at me. I'm trying to be mad here._

"He probably sees no point in arguing when he knows why you're so worried." Dean's stomach dropped and he couldn't breathe. _Oh shit. Does he know? Does Cas even know? How do they know? Do I even know? Why do they know when I don't? Oh God._

"Wh… What do you mean?" He stumbled out.

"Well, you were worried about your brother's safety, right? Afraid he might have been hurt and you couldn't know where he was?" Cas stared at him blankly. Dean finally breathed. He let out a relieved chuckle.

"Yeah, of course, that's it." Cas nodded and sat on the bed. Dean lounged on the other, willing himself to relax. _Nobody knows. You're safe. Just calm down or else they'll see right through it._ When he got to thinking about what Castiel suggested, he felt guilty for not even considering the possibility of Sam being hurt. He hadn't actually thought of Sam at all.

Sam came out of the bathroom and started gathering the rest of his stuff and put them in his duffel.

"Where are you going?" Dean questioned.

"I got my own room. In case you haven't noticed," he gestured to the beds, "two beds… three guys? I didn't want you throwing out your back from sleeping in that chair. We haven't cleared out the vamp nest yet, so I need you at the top of your game." Dean eyed him suspiciously.

"Yeah, okay."

"'_Thank you, Sam, for being so nice and letting me sleep in a bed_,'" the younger brother teased. Dean rolled his eyes. "Night, guys. I'll see you in the morning." Sam left the room and Dean was left alone with Cas.

_I am __**alone**__ with Cas. _He finally registered the situation he was in, and he began to panic. Part of him screamed for him to get out of there, but another part of him was happy to be alone. He wasn't sure which part was more dominant, but the mixed emotions were driving him crazy.

"Dean," the deep voice startled him back into reality. He looked at Cas, who seemed more relaxed than before. He always liked when Cas was at peace.

"Wh-What?" His thoughts were scattered.

"Is something wrong?" Castiel asked with concern. He got up from his spot and crossed the room to where Dean was sitting. He sat beside him, but left a foot or so between them. The closer proximity made Dean's chest tighten.

"Nothing is going on," he spit out. Cas looked confused, and he realized his sentence didn't make any sense. "I mean: no. Nothing is wrong." He paused to gather his thoughts before he went and blurted everything out. "Why?"

Cas looked deeper into his eyes, trying to find answers Dean wasn't giving him. _I can't tell if I want to run away, or if I want to kiss him._ He mentally punched himself again and broke eye contact.

"You seem lost… or upset. Do you want me to leave?" Cas stood up. "I could-" Before he realized what he was doing, Dean grabbed Cas' arm and sat him back down.

"No!" His voice jumped a little. He coughed and tried to play off how obviously discontent the idea of Cas leaving made him. "I mean: no, it's cool. I was getting sick of Sam anyways." He forced a small laugh. Castiel gave a faint smile, and Dean's heart skipped a beat. _I fucking hate that smile._

_You love it._

_Shut up._ The arguments in his head were constant. He heard Cas mumble something about going to take a shower, and he couldn't help but remember what Cas looked like the night before. When Cas was almost naked, standing in front of him, he was more vulnerable than Dean had ever seen him. He could have grabbed him and had his way with him right then and there if he wanted to. _Of course you wanted to; you just didn't. You were too afraid. Too afraid of your own feelings._

He scolded his thoughts and turned on the TV to distract himself. _I'm not thinking clearly. These aren't __**feelings**__. These are just… misplaced urges._

The nurse on the medical show was trying to seduce Dr. Sexy after their date. She said she was going to slip on something more comfortable, and Dean knew it would work. That move always works. Hell, it's worked on him a couple of times.

He started looking at the nurse more thoroughly and realized how blue her eyes were. How silky her dark hair was. His mind immediately shifted to Cas, and he didn't stop his train of thought this time.

Everything good about a person was present in Castiel. He was generous, forgiving, smart, honest, respectful, kind… _Cas is fucking amazing._

_Dude, stop. Cas is your best friend. You can't possibly be feeling… this. Whatever this is. Wanting to jump his bones is one thing, but __**this**__ is dangerous._

_Why shouldn't I be able to feel this way about him? Is Cas somehow off limits? Does he not deserve me? The better question is: do I deserve him? _

_One, he's a guy- and he's __**Cas**__ for Christ's sake. Two, he's too good for you on so many levels. And lastly, you can't just go around letting yourself feel this way. Everyone leaves, and they never come back. No feelings, no promises, nobody gets hurt._

His mind is an asshole, he mentally noted. He was brought back from his all-consuming thoughts when he heard the door to the bathroom crack open. Dean turned to look. Castiel didn't actually open the door, but he cracked it so he could air the fog out of the room. Dean couldn't see him, but his imagination was running wild.

Without even thinking twice, he stood up and crept closer to the door. When he got close enough to see through the opening, he could see Cas in his towel, wrapped around his waist. His skin glistened and his hair was still dripping. Dean could feel his dick twitch with interest. He watched- adored, really- Castiel's peacefulness as he went about preparing to brush his teeth. He almost couldn't take his eyes off of him.

_You're totally perving on him! This is such a stalker thing to do. _He walked away from the door, and instead sat on the bed closest to the bathroom. He was going over the image in his mind, noting every perfect aspect of Cas' body: his slight muscles, the dimples in the small of his back, his defined chest and neck. His jeans tightened even more. It was all he could do to not barge into the bathroom and kiss every inch of his soft, fair skin.

His thoughts were screaming at him, every muscle in his body aching to do something different. The sensation was killing him. The bathroom door opened and Cas looked down at him. Dean was visibly troubled.

"Dean-" He started. The voice was the one thing that sent him over the edge, and before he let himself think, he was already closing the distance between them. He grabbed Castiel's hips and pressed them into his own as their lips crashed into each other. Cas hesitated for a moment, but gave into the kiss and relaxed his body. His hands moved to Dean's back and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. Dean pressed Cas against the wall and rocked their hips together. His entire body ached for him, and judging by the feeling against his thigh, Cas felt the same.

Cas broke their kiss and breathed. "Dean," he whispered. Dean looked at him, with kiss swollen lips and flushed cheeks. He grinned and kissed him again, shorter this time, and started pressing kisses along his neck. Cas groaned, and the sound made Dean even more excited. He lifted Cas off the ground and man-handled him onto the bed. Dean eagerly took off Cas' t shirt, and Cas lifted off Dean's. Dean pressed him back against the bed and kissed him. His hands drifted and caressed every part of the soft skin he could touch. Their hips began to grind together again, erections pressing against each other's thighs. Cas moaned again, and he unbuttoned Dean's pants. Dean released him from his kiss and threw his pants across the room. He kissed and licked Cas' neck and chest a few more times as he removed his pants.

"Dean," Cas breathed. He couldn't get much volume to his voice. "Dean, I need-" His sentence was cut off by Dean's mouth.

"Shhh," he cooed. He kissed him on the mouth again, and started sucking on different parts of his neck. He spoke between his pecks. "I want you- so badly." Cas grabbed Dean's face and kissed him with even more passion, every second more than the last.

Neither of the men broke the kiss this time, craving it. Dean reached his hands down the front of Castiel's boxers and grabbed the base of his throbbing dick. Cas moaned a little louder and bucked his hips into the touch. Dean began to stroke it, and whispered into his ear, "Let me take care of you."

His strokes were gentle at first, as he kissed up and down Cas' abdomen. The soft whimpers he elicited from the man excited him, and he quickened his pace.

"Dean-!" Cas groaned. His back arched and his fingers ran through Dean's hair. Dean then began to softly peck the underside of Castiel's cock, teasingly. Cas looked down at him, and Dean winked as he licked his entire length before wrapping his lips around it. A loud sigh escaped from Cas' lips as his hips bucked into Dean's mouth. Wanting nothing more than to please the man that was under him, Dean put forth everything he had in him. He tongued the sensitive spot at the base of the head and used his hands to stroke up and down. Cas had one fist clinging tightly to the bed sheet and one practically pulling Dean's hair. He was whispering Dean's name over and over uncontrollably, and it was driving Dean wild.

He released his mouth, and Castiel let out a small moan. Dean kept gently stroking Cas' cock as he worked his way back up his torso, kissing, licking, and sucking everything he could. He pressed another deep kiss on Cas' mouth. He was caught off guard when a hand reached in his boxers and began to rub his dick.

His back arched and neck shot back with the new sensation. "Oh, _fuck_, Cas!" Castiel took the opportunity to return the favor and fervently kissed Dean's neck. He began to moan harder and whisper unintelligible things. Dean quickened his pace, and Cas did the same. Both men were grinding their hips into the others' hands wildly. Neither of them could hardly breathe, but they were still trying to lay kisses all over each other's bodies and faces.

"Oh, Cas. Fuck, I'm so close." Dean murmured breathily. Castiel quickened his pace even more, and grew more excited at the uncontrollable sounds coming from Dean. They kissed again, deeper and more passionately, chests heaving. Castiel moaned into Dean's mouth and bucked his hips.

"Ah, Dean!" Cas came, with Dean following a few seconds later, also whimpering his partner's name. They worked each other through their orgasms and kissed as they tried to catch their breath. Dean collapsed onto his back, body covered in sweat and love spots. Parts of his body were red where Cas had gripped him tightly. His chest was heaving, and his face was flushed. Castiel looked the same, but he perched his back onto the pillows. Dean smiled up at him. Cas ran a hand through Dean's hair, and he closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, willing it to last forever.

"Cas…" he whispered. _I'm so in love with you, you have no idea._ He pretended he had said it out loud, and put his hand on Castiel's arm.

After a few moments- it could have been seconds, minutes, hours, Dean couldn't keep track- Castiel went to stand up, but Dean wrapped his arm around his waist.

"Please," he begged quietly. "Just stay." Cas nodded and smiled, laying down next to Dean, facing each other. He caressed the hunter's face gently and stared into his eyes. Dean sighed and intertwined their fingers. He let his eyes shut and drift off to sleep. Castiel kissed his forehead and covered their bodies with the blanket. If Dean wanted him to stay, he would never leave.


	6. Chapter 6

When Dean woke up the next morning, the warm sensation he fell asleep with was gone. His eyes opened suddenly and he bolted upright, frantically looking around the room. Cas was gone. _Fuck, fuck, fuck. I knew it. I knew it._ Dean stomped out of bed and went into the bathroom. He slammed the door shut behind him and turned the shower on the hottest setting possible.

_I am such a fucking idiot. _He mentally scorned himself for letting him become so vulnerable. He stepped into the shower and let the water cover him.

The memories of the night before started flooding in. He couldn't control himself anymore, and he practically devoured Castiel's mouth. _Stupid Dean. If you just had an ounce of self-control, maybe this wouldn't have happened._ He remembered kissing and touching Cas with a new kind of urgency, a kind of desperation Dean had never experienced before. His whole being had ached for him, had needed him. It was a feeling he had never let himself succumb to before, _because if you let them know just how much you need them, they have all the power in the world- all the power to crush you, and you can't do anything about it._ He hit the wall of the shower out of frustration.

_What happened last night to make him ditch me like this? He seemed to be pretty goddamned into it in the moment. Was I too desperate? Did he use me? _

_Fuck it. Just __**fucking**__ fuck it. _He hit the wall again and got out of the shower. _Even if human-Cas hadn't left by choice, he was definitely going to leave after he got his angel status back. So who gives a shit anymore? What's done is done, and I just can't ever let that happen to me again. I can't let myself be vulnerable like that again. No more feelings, nothing. Not ever._

He dried off and put a new change of clothes on. Looking around the room, he noticed his clothes from last night strewn across different parts of the floor. Cas' were gone. He shook his head again, trying to rattle away his thoughts, and picked up the mess. _Fucking idiot._

* * *

"Hey, Dean, are you up?" Sam called his brother's cell phone after he had finished getting ready.

"Well I answered the phone, didn't I?" He gruffly responded. _Great. I give them an entire night and a room to themselves and they still don't talk things over._

"What's up your ass?"

"Shut up, Sam. What did you call for? You can just come into the room."

Without another word, Dean hung up the phone. Sam rolled his eyes. The day hadn't even started and he was sick of his brother.

Reluctantly, he grabbed his weapons and arranged them under his layers of clothes. When he was prepared, he headed for Dean's room. He knocked on the door and received a sarcastic "Who's there?" He sighed and entered the room, not entirely sure if he had the patience to deal with their situation.

Dean was sitting on the bed, lacing up his boots. Sam looked around the room for the other man. "Where's Cas?" Dean tensed up and hesitated.

"Hell if I know," he mumbled.

"Great," he sighed. Sam flopped down into the armchair and studied the room more. Only one of the beds looked slept in. "How long has he been gone?"

Dean stood up and went to gather his on-person weapons, standing with his back to Sam. "I don't know."

"Well, did he leave last night or this morning?"

"Look, Sam, I don't know! Okay?!" Dean turned and barked at him. He was a new kind of angry Sam hadn't seen before, and it worried him. Dean turned back around and lowered his voice. "I don't know. I woke up and he was gone."

Sam stared at his troubled older brother and tried to think of something to say that would calm him down. He stood up and walked closer to Dean. Sam lowered his voice to a tone that usually soothed him. "I'm sure he just went for a walk or something. We'll find him."

Dean didn't respond or even turn around to look at him. He nodded his head once, put on his jacket and got his keys. Sam followed his brother out the door and into the Impala.

They had only been driving for about five minutes when they spotted a man walking on the side of the road. Sam couldn't tell who it was, but Dean swerved the car and slammed on the brakes.

"What the hell, Dean?!" Sam yelled. Dean was already out of the car.

"Cas!" He called. The man's head perked up and he turned around. Dean started jogging towards him. Sam got out of the car and tried to look harder at the figure. Sure enough, it was Castiel. By the time he started walking towards him, Dean was already there.

"Where the hell did you go, man?" Dean asked. Sam caught up with the other two men and stood next to Dean.

"I went on a walk," he replied. He looked at Dean. "I had a lot to think about."

Dean shifted his gaze downward. Sam studied them wordlessly. Castiel seemed really lost in thought and Dean just seemed uncomfortable.

"Well we're going to the nest to kill the rest of them while it's daylight out and we have the advantage," Sam told Cas. He nodded. They made their way back to the car and drove off.

Sam glanced in the rearview mirror at his friend. Castiel was spaced out, staring out the window. Sam looked back at Dean. He was incredibly stiff and kept shifting his eyes from the road to the rearview mirror, as if he was making sure Cas was still there. _Nobody listens to me. If they would just talk things over and get all of their stupid crap out in the open, we wouldn't have this awkward tension. _He sighed to himself. _Yeah, right. Neither of them could ever open up and show how they feel._

* * *

When they arrived at the abandoned house, it was empty. The three of them searched every last inch, but there was nobody in sight. No furniture, no items, nothing. It was as if nobody had ever lived there.

"Damnit!" Dean mumbled. He kicked the wall. _Can't I just catch a break? I've got my own shit going on, and thanks to Cas taking off all day yesterday, we let the vampires get away._ "This is great," he said sarcastically.

"They couldn't have gone far. Maybe they just skipped over a few towns. I know they wouldn't have stayed here- that would be too obvious," Sam observed.

"Yeah, you're right. Let's go ahead and leave. I'm damn sick of this place." Dean had calmed down and walked out. "We've got better things to do anyways."

Sam stared at him in confusion. "Like what?"

_What are you stupid?_ "Like get Cas his angel mojo back." As they drove back, Sam kept staring back and forth between he and Cas. He and the smaller man exchanged knowing looks, as if they were having a mental conversation. "What?"

Sam gave another weird look to Castiel, who kept his expression firm. "It's nothing," he finally said, in defeat.

The rest of the car ride was silent except for the sound coming from the radio. They got all of their stuff from their motel rooms, checked out, and drove off.

The car ride was long and tense. Nobody said anything. Castiel fell asleep about an hour into the ride, and Sam followed suit 30 minutes later. Dean was left alone with his thoughts and nobody could bother him.

He glanced in the rearview mirror. The physically perfect man asleep in the backseat seemed so at peace, all of the tension and thought lines that had covered his face just a while earlier had disappeared. That was the man Dean had become completely vulnerable to the night before, and the man he wanted to be with more than anything. But he was also the one person he couldn't ever be with again.

Right now, Castiel had power over Dean. He could do or say anything he wanted at this point, and Dean couldn't do a damn thing about it. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. _Why am I such an idiot? Cas is the one person who can't stick around even if he wanted to- which he obviously didn't, seeing as he's taken off three times within the past month alone. He's going to get his wings back and station himself in Heaven, far away from me. _

_The only way to keep myself sane is to do what I always do: shut out my emotions and pretend nothing ever happened. Pretend he's nothing to me, and someday he will be. _

Around 10 PM, they arrived at a new motel and went to check themselves in.

"Two rooms- one single bed, one with two beds," Sam requested. When they went to enter the rooms, Dean took the key to the single.

Sam and Castiel both gave him a questioning look, but he didn't waver. "I had him last night. It's your turn," he said. He didn't look at Cas, but he could see the man out of his peripheral vision. Cas' expression hardened a little and he looked at the ground.

"Whatever. Come on, Cas." Sam let Castiel in and followed behind him.

* * *

Sam wasn't sure what time it started to rain outside, but it seemed like the sky suddenly opened up. He looked out the window and watched the rain pour. The lightning started not long afterward. He sighed.

He and Castiel were both lying in their beds trying to fall asleep. He looked over at the other man and he could tell he wasn't asleep.

"Hey, Cas?" He said quietly. Castiel looked over at him, allowing him to continue. "Did you talk to Dean?"

He turned his face back to the ceiling and was silent for a while. He seemed to be trying to decide what he wanted to say. When he finally spoke, it was at a voice so low, Sam almost couldn't hear it. "No."

"Why not?"

"Dean isn't ready to know."

Sam studied him closely. His eyes were pained, and he wasn't sure why. He waited a few minutes before deciding to say what needed to be said. "Maybe Dean won't ever be ready." Cas looked back at him questioningly. "But he does deserve to know, and if you wait too long to tell him, he might not be willing to listen." Castiel kept looking at him, processing the thought. He eventually nodded.

"I know," he said. Sam hoped he had gotten through to him and decided to let himself fall asleep.

A couple of hours later, he awoke to the sound of the door shutting. He opened his eyes and looked over at the bed where Castiel was supposed to be. He was gone. Sam didn't worry. He smiled faintly to himself and fell back asleep. _Good luck, Cas._

* * *

Dean was lying awake in bed for what seemed like an eternity. He listened to the rain and watched the lightning dance. He was hypnotized by the absolute nothingness going on around him, and he just lay there, not thinking about anything. Thunder cracked just as there was a loud knocking on the door. The suddenness of the sound startled him back into reality. He looked at the clock- 3:23 AM.

He didn't move for a few moments, not sure if the knocking was real or if he had fell asleep. When the pounding continued, he got up and opened the door.

"Dean." Cas was standing in the doorway, barefoot in a t shirt and boxers. He looked lost and upset. Dean was about to say something when Castiel put his hand on the door, begging it to stay open. "Dean, we have to talk."

Castiel's eyes searched his, and Dean could feel himself giving in. He closed his eyes. _I can't do this. Please._ "Cas, it's late." He went to shut the door, but Castiel pushed it open and came inside.

"We have to talk," he persisted. Dean sighed. He could feel himself getting upset.

"If it's about last night, don't worry about it." He crossed the room and put enough space between himself and Castiel. "I get it. It meant nothing, okay? I was just confused," he lied.

Cas looked hurt and he shifted his gaze away from Dean. _Thank God._ "It wasn't nothing, and you know that."

"Cas, I can't do this." He shut his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Can't do what?"

"This. Us. Whatever _this_ is. I can't." Castiel walked a little closer to him and tried to search his eyes. _Stop doing that. _

"Why not?"

Dean's anger exploded and he couldn't hold his words back anymore. "Because I know that if I let myself give into you, you're just going to leave again!" His chest tightened and he started breathing heavy. "You're going to get your grace back and go back to being an angel, and leave again." He hesitated when he could feel his throat close up and he had to choke back his emotions. "Cas, you are the one person who can destroy me."

The other man looked away and waited a few moments before he decided to speak. "Dean, do you remember the night I came to you with something important to tell you?" He looked up into his eyes. Even from across the room, the intensity of his stare sent shocks of electricity through his skin.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, and I know what you're going to say- but please, don't. If you say it, it's just going to make things harder for me."

"You don't know what I was going to say. Please stop assuming you do," he said a little bitterly. He paused before continuing. "I came to tell you about the Ultimatum."

"What?"

"The Ultimatum is something given to all angels who have been involved in the Apocalypse," he explained. "I was summoned and sent before a council. They gave me a decision that would affect me permanently." Dean was confused and Cas wasn't making any sense. "The Ultimatum is a choice between returning to Heaven and not being able to return to Earth for a millennia, or becoming completely human in my current form, and not being able to ever return to Heaven as an angel."

Dean tried to piece everything together, and he tried to bite back the closeness of tears. "And you-"

"Chose to become human. I chose to stay with you."

In a split second, Dean was completely across the room. "You stupid son of a bitch." He took Castiel's face into his hands and kissed him with every ounce of passion he had inside of him. He couldn't hold back his tears anymore, but they weren't tears of sadness or frustration- he was happy. Cas clung tightly to the fabric of Dean's t shirt at his hips and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss.

Dean turned the long kiss into a million pecks before he pulled away just far enough to look into Castiel's eyes. He raked his thumb over the other man's cheek. "Why in the hell would you do that?" He breathily asked.

"Dean, the decision was easy. If I had to choose between leaving you or staying with you- no matter the terms- I would choose to stay every time." Dean pressed his lips into Castiel's again, the kiss deeper and longer than the last.

"I love you." He whispered in the second he pulled away from their kiss.

"I love you too, Dean. I always have, and I always will." Cas pressed his hands firmly on Dean's back and brought him into another deep kiss. Their hips began to rock together and Dean moved his hands from Castiel's face and put one on the small of his back and with the other, he laced his fingers into Cas' hair. Cas moaned slightly and Dean pulled Cas' head back gently and began to kiss his neck. Cas melted into Dean's body and moved his hands under his shirt.

Dean released him long enough for Cas to lift the shirt off of him and kissed him again. His hands raced to the hem of Castiel's shirt and he removed it and tossed it aside. At the touch of their bare chests, Dean shivered. He grabbed Cas' hips and brought them to his. He groaned into Cas' mouth and they somehow made their way to the bed. The back of Castiel's knees hit the edge of the bed and they fell onto it, Dean landing on top of him. They laughed and kissed again, Castiel wrapping his arms around Dean's neck. Dean reached down underneath Cas and lifted the small of his back and moved him farther up the bed until his head was rested on a pillow.

Castiel's fingers intertwined in Dean's hair and he pressed his other hand against his back. Dean had one leg on either side of Cas' right leg and they began to grind their hips together. Their motions like dancing to the sound of the rain. Dean's hands traced up and down Cas' chest and abdomen. He moved his hand to his thigh. He raised Cas' leg higher and ran his hand on the underside of his thigh. Castiel moaned and bucked his hips into Dean's.

Dean removed his lips from Cas' and began to peck down his neck. He kissed his chin, his throat, his collarbone, his shoulder- each kiss gentle and affectionate. He lightly moved his hand that was pressing Castiel's hips up into his and placed it at the hem of Cas' boxers. The man underneath him shuddered. Dean slowly began to pull them down, eliciting a whimper from Castiel. He kissed him again and pulled the boxers all the way off, releasing Cas' throbbing erection. He tossed the boxers across the room and brought his hand to Cas' abdomen and lightly traced his hand down. Dean grabbed the base of his shaft and began to lightly stroke it. The fingers in his hair clung to him tighter, and Castiel kissed him even deeper as he melted into the touch. Dean's hips kept grinding against Cas', the friction of his boxers driving him wild. He groaned.

Dean moved his kisses to Castiel's neck and chest again, hand still stroking the other man's cock. He moved his thumb to the sensitive spot underneath the head and rubbed it. Cas' hips bucked. "Ah, Dean-!" He breathed. Pre-come came out even more than it had before. Dean lifted himself a little higher and looked deep into Castiel's eyes. He kissed him on the mouth, and in one smooth motion, wrapped his arms around his waist and flipped them so that he was on his back and Castiel was on top of him.

Castiel looked down into Dean's eyes, partly confused. Dean let one hand run up Castiel's back and the other over his chest and shoulder. He kissed him deeply and whispered, "I love you, Cas."

"I love you too," he breathed back. He kissed Dean's neck and collarbone. Castiel's hand began to shake as he moved his hand down Dean's abdomen and underneath his boxers. Dean's hips grinded into the touch and he moaned. Cas removed his boxers and began to stroke the length of Dean's pulsating member. "Mmm, Cas," he whispered. Castiel began to kiss and lick Dean's chest and stomach as his strokes became a little quicker, but still gentle. Dean's back arched and he groaned louder.

"Cas," he breathed. Castiel lifted his face to Dean's and kissed him. Dean reached down for Cas' hand and brought it to his heaving chest. He gazed into those electric blue eyes, illuminated only by the lightning and streetlights outside. "I trust you," he whispered into Castiel's ear. He brought Cas' index and middle fingers to his mouth and kissed them gingerly before he lightly began to suck on them. "I trust you," he reminded him. Castiel nodded, his body trembling. He reached down between Dean's spread legs and placed the tip of his index finger on his entrance and began to circle around it, making it wet. He gently pressed his finger inside. Dean whimpered and bucked himself onto it. Castiel kissed him as he began to move the finger in and out. He added a second finger cautiously and Dean responded pleasantly. "Ah, fuck," he moaned quietly. Castiel began to move the fingers together in and out and then scissoring them, stretching him lightly. Dean's back arched as he pressed his body down onto the fingers.

Castiel kissed him deeply as he placed himself between Dean's legs. Dean lifted his hips up, offering a better angle. Castiel grabbed his cock and lined it up with Dean's entrance. He pushed it in and looked into Dean's eyes. Dean practically screamed with pleasure at the new sensation.

"Are you okay?" Cas whispered urgently. Dean put one hand on the side of Cas' face and one on the small of his back.

"I'm okay," he assured him. Dean kissed him and pushed himself further down on Cas' dick. "_Move,_" he breathed. Castiel pushed further into Dean cautiously and moaned. Dean wrapped his legs around his hips. Cas pulled back and thrust into him. Dean's fingers dug into the skin on his back and he bucked his hips. Castiel began to thrust harder, each one eliciting a deeper, louder moan from Dean.

"Ah- _fuck_, Cas!" He began to push Castiel into him deeper, and Cas groaned loudly. He started thrusting harder and faster; he and Dean were both covered in sweat. He kissed Dean's mouth and neck. Both of their chests were heaving. "_Harder_," Dean begged. Castiel obliged and pulled back and thrust his cock into Dean as hard as he could. "Cas!" He screamed wildly. Castiel's hips moved faster and harder, and he hit Dean's sweet spot. "_FUCK_ me! Ah- **_fuck_**!" Castiel, now knowing where he needed to hit, began to stroke Dean's dick as he kept thrusting into his prostate. Dean's nails clawed into Castiel's back and his arm grasped onto the pillow behind him. His back arched uncontrollably. He began whispering Castiel's name over and over, pleading him to keep going. They were both close, and Castiel began to hit it faster and harder. He was moaning with every movement, and Dean was still cycling between groaning, screaming, and whispering.

"Dean-!" He growled.

"Cas, oh fuck! Ah-!" Dean screamed. They came together violently. Chests heaving, bodies drenched in sweat, their hips rocked together while they worked each other through their orgasms. Castiel kissed Dean passionately as he pulled out of him, both whimpering into each other's mouths.

Castiel collapsed onto his back next to Dean and looked at him. They were both insanely out of breath, sweat glistening over their bodies. Their faces were flushed and lips were swollen from kisses. Dean smiled at him and raked his fingers through Castiel's untidy hair. For a while they just laid there, staring into each other's eyes. Dean leaned over and kissed him tenderly.

"I love you, Cas," he whispered so low it was almost inaudible.

Castiel pressed his hand on the side of Dean's face. He instinctively leaned into the touch. "I love you too." Dean leaned down and pulled the blankets over them. Cas scooted closer to him and rested his head on Dean's chest. Dean wrapped the arm Castiel was under around his back and brought the other one to his waist, pulling him closer. Cas intertwined their legs and wrapped his arm around Dean's waist. Dean leaned his face down and pressed a kiss to Castiel's forehead.

They laid there- bodies so close they could have melted together- and listened to the rain as they drifted off to sleep. Dean wanted to hold Cas like that forever. And he could- because he knew Cas was here to stay.


	7. Epilogue

***AN: Epilogues are for fluff! So, if you don't like it cheesy, I suggest not reading it. **

* * *

Dean woke up to the sun seeping in through the curtains in their motel room. He glanced down at the man he had his arm draped over and smiled. The way the sunlight hit his face made his features seem even more perfect than they already were. He looked at the way they were laying and chuckled to himself. _Dean Winchester is actually spooning._

He traced lightly over the soft contours of Castiel's shoulders and arms with his fingers. _What did I do to deserve him? _He placed a soft kiss to Cas' temple. He squirmed awake and smiled lazily.

"What was that for?" He asked. Dean raked his fingers through Castiel's untidy hair.

"For still being here." Cas turned around so they were laying face to face. He placed a hand on the side of Dean's face and caressed his thumb over his cheek lovingly.

"Dean, I promise you- I will _never_ leave you," he whispered. Castiel's eyes were shining with affection. Dean's heart fluttered. The way Cas said that- the words Dean had always been desperate to hear- made him feel secure. He knew Castiel was being completely genuine in his promise, and Dean trusted him without a single doubt.

Dean kissed Cas softly and tenderly, willing the moment to last forever. "I love you, Cas." The smaller man smiled again.

"I love you too, Dean," he whispered. He gave him another assuring peck on the lips. "Forever."

* * *

There was a loud knock on the door. Suddenly, Dean came to the realization that he and Cas weren't actually the only people on the planet. Cas apparently had the same epiphany and bolted into the bathroom to shower. Dean smiled and put some clothes on.

"Hold onto your panties, Sammy, I'm coming." Dean said after Sam's knocking persisted. He opened the door and invited Sam inside.

The younger brother shifted uncomfortable and looked anywhere but Dean and the bed. "I think I'll just stay out here." Dean laughed and shook his head. "Are you ready?"

"I am. Cas is…" Dean winked at his brother, "getting cleaned up." Sam choked, much to Dean's amusement. _This is going to be so much fun._

They sat in silence for a few moments until they heard the bathroom door creak open.

"Dean," Cas whispered from the crack. The door was open only enough to see Castiel's lip. "Dean."

"Yeah?" He came closer to the door.

"I need clothes." Dean laughed and Sam coughed.

"No you don't," he teased. Sam groaned and tried to put hands over his ears.

"Dean," Cas begged with a smile.

"Fine," he sighed. He went to grab some clothes from his bag and pushed open the door. Before Cas could object or shut the door, Dean barged in.

"Dean!" Cas exclaimed, surprised. Before he shut the door, Dean shot a wink at his brother.

"_Oh my God!_" Sam groaned as he hurried out of the room.

"Dean, Sam is waiting for us." Dean kissed his lips and worked his way to his neck, disregarding the clothes he brought in.

"Let him wait."

* * *

_This is the worst day of my life. _Sam was sitting by the Impala waiting for Dean and Cas to get done "_canoodling_". He shuddered. _This is what I get for trying to get them together. I did this to myself. Maybe if I tease him back and make him uncomfortable, he'll stop._ Feeling proud of the idea, he decided to turn the tables when his brother came out.

Sam was waiting for about an hour- _that felt like an eternity_- and finally the two emerged from the room. Dean was practically glowing, and Cas' smile was genuine and bright. Sam smiled to himself. He'd never seen either of them as happy as they were then.

"It's about time," he teased. Dean grinned and got in the driver's seat. Out of habit, Sam went to sit in the passenger seat and Cas in the back.

"Hey- what are you doing?" Dean stopped them.

"Uh, getting in my seat…?" Sam said. Castiel also looked confused.

"Cas is sitting in the front," Dean said. Castiel smiled but waited for Sam's approval before sitting up front.

"Yeah, no problem," _This is my chance._ "I wouldn't want to get in the way of your fondling."

Without missing a beat, Dean retorted, "So you don't mind? Awesome." And he put his hand so high up on Cas' thigh, it was practically on his crotch. Cas blushed deeply, and Sam choked back another image. _Damnit._

* * *

Dean could tell Sam was trying his best to make him uncomfortable. _Overcompensating is what he's doing. Too bad he sucks at this._ He grinned to himself. They sat in comfortable silence for a lot of the car ride. Dean couldn't remember the last time they hadn't had any tension surrounding them. It was obvious how happy they all were. _It's about damn time._

Of course, Sam had to go and ruin it with his awful attempts at teasing Dean. "So I never realized how much of a screamer you were." Sam inadvertently made himself uncomfortable and squirmed at the thought.

Dean laughed. "Neither did I."

"It was a pleasant surprise." Cas said cheekily. Both of the brothers looked at him in shock; he hadn't joined in the teasing yet, and the retort was accompanied by a squeeze to Dean's thigh. The three of them burst into laughter.

Sam looked back and forth between the two men in front of him. He sighed.

"So is this going to be a permanent thing?" He asked.

Dean loved over to Cas. He was smiling back at him. Cas' eyes were filled with love and assurance. He looked back at Sam, who looked happier and more carefree than Dean had ever seen him. He knew then that this was how he wanted to spend the rest of his life- Team Free Will: him, the love of his life, and his brother. He looked back at Castiel. Judging by the look in his eyes, Cas felt the same way. Dean squeezed the other man's hand and smiled.

"I sure hope so."

* * *

***AN: Okay, I wanted to add another one here at the end to address you all. I love you! I really do. Thanks so much for your feedback and follows/favorites. I enjoyed writing this, and I really hope y'all liked it. Thank you, again.**


End file.
